The Train

Sweaty palms grasp the crinkled train ticket, quick glances at where the next stop will be keep you planted in your seat. When you press your face against the cold window, you realize the time that passes before you. At every stop, the engineer blows the train's horn before leaving the station. Shooting out of the station so quick that it catches you off guard, throwing you forward very quickly at times. 

As the train continues on it's path, new people board the train with each stop. A few choose to isolate themselves from the other passengers, by sitting alone on an empty seat. Then the extroverts board the train, finding someone new to sit by each time they board, they sit in groups, conversing their life stories among one another. During the train ride, we gain close friends, and realize the passengers we don't exactly like. Some feel that is safer to sit closer to the engineer for they feel closer to safety. Some feel that the back of the train is safer because it is a quicker way out.

The little girl who sat beside you whispers in her mother's ear "Mommy? Who drives the train?" she replies "The railroad engineer, but he is busy driving the train, so we don't see him until we get off." 

None of the passengers know the engineer, they haven't seen his face, but they all carry this picture in their mind of what he looks like as if he is actually there. He sends out warning signs of what's to come, whether we like them or not. Some people believe that there is more than one engineer, some believe there is no engineer, as if the train drives itself.

But there's a catch to the story.

We never see the engineer until we board or depart the train. We only see him for a moment or so, but it's enough to realize his importance, we idolize him. For without our engineer, there would be nobody to drive the train.

That's the thing about railroad engineers. We put so much trust into someone we don't even know, yet we feel safe boarding the train. When we go over a bridge or through a tunnel, the engineer isn't there to tell you that everything is running smoothly. We feel that safety within us. Whether we get off the train too early or we miss a few spots, the engineer ensures we will get off the train safely. He doesn't throw anybody off the train and leave them stranded, he lets everyone get where they need to be. He lets EVERYONE get off at the train station regardless of his relationship with them. He lets them get off even if they have done a crime, for he knows they will be forgiven.

For all of those people out there who believe that only the "privledged" passengers will get off at the train station, or the people who believe that they only they will get off  if they sit close to the engineer. You are wrong. 

Because the engineer gives everyone a ride on his train, whether you are black, white, bisexual, gay, LDS, catholic, or even buddhist. Everyone deserves a ride on the train to arrive at their destination.

Reminders

It was around 11:00 at night, I was absolutely exhausted and I was driving home from work, nearing my house. I was so tired, I thought that I needed to call someone to come get me because I didn't know how safe I would drive. I suddenly had the "urge" to change the song (which seemed crazy because I was only about 30 seconds away from home). The song changed to "The Rose", grandpa's song. Within an instant, I was alert, I wasn't tired anymore. I know that he was right there because I felt him, he was sitting right next to me, he knew I needed to make it home. I teared up, and in that little bit of time I talked to him. I told him that I loved him and that I would make it home safe. I know that he heard me, don't ask me why. He visited me for that little moment that night.

I sat at the 10th exchange for Ragnar, as my stomach continued to churn, I was exhausted, extremly sick, and on the verge of tears. My mom kept repeating, "Your going to be fine, you'll do fine." But I knew I wasn't fine. I watched in the background and I see my teammate rounding the corner, and then I knew it wasn't long until I had to go.

Before I had another second to breathe, on the girls speaker behind me, Ryker's song started to play. In a moment's time flashbacks of the accident, the drive home, and his funeral played so vivid it seemed as if he was right there beside me. My body fell numb, and it was like that moment froze time. I held back the tears, my throat felt tight, and I grabbed the bracelet from his hand, and took off running.

During this run, I never fell sick again. Somehow I was in constant reminder to finish this for Ryker.

I believe that God sends us "reminders" that we are not alone in this world. I know that some people believe that there is no such thing as spirits or ghosts, but I believe they are always there whether we feel them or not. I have had a rough eventful week, but these reminders helped me overcome this. I know that sometimes our prayers aren't always answered, but they are always recieved.

"The trouble that might drag you down, 

you get lost you can always be found, 

just know your not alone,

cause I'm going to make this place your home." 

-- Phillip Phillips

My Man

I know you don't want to hear another mushy gushy love story yet again, and especially from me. I know that I tend to show my affection for this boy way more than I should. But I have so much to be thankful for. Little does he know how much he means to me. I just got my wisdom teeth out yesterday, and he has been by my side as much as he could, and even switched me shifts tomorrow!

I sit here and wonder how I got lucky enough to deserve someone like him. I drive him up a wall quite often, yet he spoils me rotten. I like to think that our relationship is quite different than every normal high school relationship, because he is my best friend. It's hard to comprehend falling in love with your best friend.

We were best friends way before I fell in love with him.

I didn't need a hug or a kiss today from him to feel like he loved me. I have learned that it is the simple little things that mean the most. He showed up at my front door this morning with a peanut butter shake and a Sobe (he knows me too well these days), walked right in my door, and sat down next to me. That alone was enough to make me just fall in love with him over again and automatically took the pain away.

I have actually had MANY girls ask me how I have kept our relationship so long and I ask them right back well depends on how you look at the person. If you only look at him like he's your boyfriend, then you will just have a boyfriend. You see Kaden is more than just a boyfriend, he is my best friend, my mentor, my personal trainer, my psychologist, my co-worker, he's even considered apart of my family.

Happiness is not found within kissing, hugging, hand holding, cuddling, and making out. Kaden taught me that these components don't make our world go round and round. If you are constantly relying on your "lover" to do these things with you to make you happy, happiness will be short lived. I believe this is a very good reason for the America's high divorce rate.

I have a life long best friend. Yes, I would love to marry Kaden someday, but that day is very far away and I am only 16 years old. Whether I decide to spend the rest of my life with him or not, he will ALWAYS be my best friend. He made me realize how to find happiness in the small moments. Finding seashells on Bonneville shoreline during valentines day, eating Little Ceasars in the passenger seat of his Camry, eating shakes and cracking jokes on my living room couch, watching him love the heck out of two little boys.

I feel sorry for the girlfriends and boyfriends who lay in the bedrooms making out all weekend, cause man, are they missing out. I don't want to marry Kaden because of how great of a kisser he is. Like have you seen him run?

Kaden is my best friend on this planet, and it doesn't matter what mood I am in, he will always make me smile. I never get sick of being around my best friend. Every day is an adventure, he gives me a new reason to smile, whether its a shake in his hand or the way he lets me run in front of him on trails. KADEN JOHN WINTER IS MY HAPPINESS.

And I can not wait to see what our future has in store.

Letting go.....

Holding on seems harder than letting go.

Holding to what you want to stay, yet you know will go. You have to face the inevitable, that your going to have to let go. I know that people are going to come in and out of my life, and there will be a point in my life when holding on won't become an option.

You also have to look at the variables that make holding on difficult, knowing her my whole life, having him there for me all school year long, running with them everyday. The bonds that you carry with certain individuals keep you wanting to never let go.

I believe when your about ready to say goodbye, memories come flooding back, making it harder to loosen your grip. They hit you like a passing car, it's collision causes you to face reality. No one comes out of a car accident in one piece, whether you broke your neck, or you have a small scratch. I feel as if the reason we are scared to say goodbye is because we don't know the speed of the car, the size of the car, or the person inside.

We don't realize how hard it's going to hit us until we let go. 

Our grips are so tight our knuckles turn white, but all this time we don't realize how hard we are holding on. You begin to rely on what you've been holding this whole time. Reliance becomes so strong between two individuals, that you can't imagine your life without one another. We don't realize how much we really care about someone or something until it's gone. After letting go, we can't look down the road and predict how or when the car is going to hurt us.

To say that watching my two best friends walk across that stage with caps and gowns was easy, I would be lying to you. I know it's going to be a challenge without them. I have accepted that I am going to struggle, I am going to get hit hard, and I know I will get hard more than once. But I know that with every collision, I will stand up and dust myself off with a new perspective, a reason to keep moving on.

Letting go of anyone is never easy. Whether it's watching your dad's spirit leave his body, or dropping your son off at the MTC never to see him again for two years. The pain that comes along with loss is inevitable, and it is given in different measures. Pain can have an immediate effect after letting go, or it can come very unexpected. It's how we deal with this pain that determines our well-being.

I know for a fact that letting go of someone you love is hard, and we know it's going to hurt at times. But the strong will to get back up, and look forward promises happiness soon.

I am so proud of my sissy, can't believe we won't go to school together. But happy she will be attending Weberstate, therefore she is not too far away. :)

My other purpose for this post was for my mom and grandpa, I know she is still struggling. Why not reminisce on some good times at Grandma Nessa's house?

 Kaden also graduated, and I am not sure how I feel about it. I am excited that he is growing up a little bit and moving on, yet he will be an hour away and I will miss him dearly.

This last one goes out to my "other" older sisters. Four years with them definitely was an adventure. I will never forget the lessons I learned from them. I am going to continue the legacy they taught me, and hopefully pass it on to the next year as good as they did.

Forget the Destination

Last week , I had a big upset, I didn't do as well as I wanted to at my last race of the season. I had previously had worked my butt off all season long, and to not have all the hard work pay off at all was a hard lesson to learn. Especially when some of my best friends move to the next level. After I finished the race, I knew that I didn't do well and it HURT because I had waited for this race all season. The waterworks came pouring down, and I had a long conversation with my mom over the phone and I constantly kept repeating "This isn't fair, this just isn't fair." After a prolonged phone call,
I pushed the "end call button" with a whole new attitude.

I have so much to be grateful for.

I have so much that makes me happy, right at my fingertips.

I still have my family. I have two amazing parents that would do anything for me.

I have a best friend, that I wouldn't trade for the world.

I may not have won that race, but I am a winner.

I have thee most perfect life, and I am so HAPPY. I have so many moments in my life that I replay like DVD player. I am suddenly that little girl again that rewinding the same scene over and over again and giggling. I am not concerned for my destination, because LOOK AT MY JOURNEY. You know, I may not be the state champion,valedictorian, or the student body president but I think that being myself is just as good.There are people who are extremely successful, but can't find happiness within their life.

I have moments in my life where happiness is at an all time high. It's like I am taking a drug with no negative side effects, I can't get enough high off just living. I am ready to take on the next day, I might not have my workout done, my grades may be sinking like the Titanic, but I am bound and determined to pick myself up to face the next day. I realize that many times I need to stop looking at my unhappiness, but what is there to make me happy.

Life is a journey and you can either buckle down and enjoy it, or spend  it feeling miserable for yourself. The secret to happiness isn't found through your success,  but how you got there.

My first 5k 8 years ago. Time flys.

Our trip to Scheels last month, just an interesting picure.

The Waving Man

He awoke early that morning, as he always does, his body may be older, but he doesn't let that confine him to his bed. He didn't open his eyes with the mentality that he would make a difference, but he still affected many. Sweats, a bright reflective vest, and tennis shoes with power behind them can any ordinary man become extraordinary. While working out alone seems to be focused on better yourself, he brings a little happiness into the lives of people he doesn't even know.

Max Peterson is a 70 year old man who lives in Hooper. Max wakes up every morning to face the next day, but he won't be facing it alone. Max runs 5 miles every day, which is an accomplishment for any person seeking to better their health, but he does more than just run, Max waves. When I say waves, I am not joking, he waves to every single vehicle that passes him. Even the people he doesn't even know. He found a way to make everyone feel as if he knows them personally. Every day driving to school you can see him doing his morning run, and as you drive to school, I can promise he won't forget to wave to you.

He has showed me that you can inspire others while chasing down what makes happy.

You see, we are all runners or even walkers on our road to our future, and we are given two choices; to ignore everyone that passes us, or lift our arm to wave.

As humans we should constantly looking for a reason to wave, something that brings us happiness and not being afraid to share it. Run down the road that brings you happiness,  and don't be afraid to venture down new ones, for venturing down new roads allows you to change the lives of new individuals.

A Different Breed

The typical high school student usually leaves their school as soon as the bell rings through their ears. They snatch their car keys from their backpack, and drive away from what's  held them hostage in their seats for the past 8 hours.
But we aren't your average high school students, we are a different breed.
 We are the ones with water bottles in hand as we walk in the school each day. We wear KT tape under our clothes, because we don't want to have to reapply it the next day. We make Nike clothing a fashion statement. We are the kids who beg their teachers for the hall pass because we drank too much water. The ones who wait for the bell to ring, because we're one step closer to lacing up our shoes.

We are the high school cross country team.

At first glance from other varsity sports teams, we are looked at as "the crazy bunch". The ones who find enjoyment in running multiple miles, when running is the punishment for most. But we look at it differently.

We believe that the time your foot strikes the ground for the first time, we are embarking a new adventure. We are blazing through a new trail, finding different paths that take us to beautiful destinations. We are the risk takers, adventure seekers, and hard workers. We push past our pain to PR by ten seconds.We are becoming the next generation of runners.

We accept that blisters may appear after removing our shoes. That chaffing is second nature. We realize that getting up the stairs the day after a workout can be a true struggle.

High school is a place of finding yourself,  taking what you love and running with it. For some this may be art, some it will be football. As young distance runners, we all have something in common. We find happiness in running, for running is what we love to do. Running is a teenage dream that never expires. While our paths may change when our diplomas touch our hands, but we will always have running close in our hearts.
We will never rid of the countless number of race bibs, and we will keep our shoes where we can find them.

Because we are a different breed, and we were born to run.