I have a million thoughts surging through my head that I don't necessarily want to forget.
Something I found a little strange is that at the end of 2016, I had many ask me personally,
"How was your year?"
There's just one word that comes straight to mind with every response
"ok"
Anyone that would hear that would automatically assume that something was wrong with my year.
"What do you mean?"
"It wasn't great?"
"But didn't college make it one of the best years of your life?"
My answer to these. It's simple. That just because my year wasn't superb, doesn't make it unmeaningful.
And I'm "ok" with that.
Although it was my hardest, this year taught me so many more lessons than any other year in my life.
One being that I don't have to hide my hurt. I don't have to pretend that my life was perfect when I was hurting.
When your a little baby, one of the lessons you learn at about 6 months is object permenance. (Yes I actually paid attention in psychology) Object permenance is that understanding in your little brain that when objects disappear, they don't actually go away.
One way that doctors can see this development is by putting an object under a blanket where its not visible and observing the baby to see if they look for it or make the realization that its not actually gone.
In 2016, I had to make this realization too.
That when I decide to cover up my hard times they won't disappear. Part of being human is hurting and going through trials that are so hard. But letting them shape us.
Hiding all this hurt behind my back wasn't going to get me anywhere.
Anyone can fake a smile, keep their chin up, and hold their head high, when deep down their dying.
When no one's watching, do you walk with such confidence?
There are so many people out there that can understand what were going through better than we can ourselves. Bottling it all up to make an image would just be cheating out ourselves.
So going back to object permenance. I made the realization that I can't just make things disappear by throwing them under a blanket and walking away.
I had to let these struggles shape me.
They say that to be strong, you have to "look fear straight in the eye", and I believe it. There were times this year where I wasn't really sure what to do, so I threw things under a blanket.
Then I realized that I didn't want them to hurt me anymore.
So I tackled them head on.
If life's challenges don't scare you, chances are your not doing it right.
We have two options in this life. We can choose to hide objects, or pull them out and face them.
Because I chose to face these harsh realities, its been a year of finding Jerra.
The Jerra now is THRIVING, I'm thriving not because I faked my way to the end. But because I didn't run away from what scared me.
So 2016, you were indeed "ok", and I'm proud to say that.
