The Train

Sweaty palms grasp the crinkled train ticket, quick glances at where the next stop will be keep you planted in your seat. When you press your face against the cold window, you realize the time that passes before you. At every stop, the engineer blows the train's horn before leaving the station. Shooting out of the station so quick that it catches you off guard, throwing you forward very quickly at times. 

As the train continues on it's path, new people board the train with each stop. A few choose to isolate themselves from the other passengers, by sitting alone on an empty seat. Then the extroverts board the train, finding someone new to sit by each time they board, they sit in groups, conversing their life stories among one another. During the train ride, we gain close friends, and realize the passengers we don't exactly like. Some feel that is safer to sit closer to the engineer for they feel closer to safety. Some feel that the back of the train is safer because it is a quicker way out.

The little girl who sat beside you whispers in her mother's ear "Mommy? Who drives the train?" she replies "The railroad engineer, but he is busy driving the train, so we don't see him until we get off." 

None of the passengers know the engineer, they haven't seen his face, but they all carry this picture in their mind of what he looks like as if he is actually there. He sends out warning signs of what's to come, whether we like them or not. Some people believe that there is more than one engineer, some believe there is no engineer, as if the train drives itself.

But there's a catch to the story.

We never see the engineer until we board or depart the train. We only see him for a moment or so, but it's enough to realize his importance, we idolize him. For without our engineer, there would be nobody to drive the train.

That's the thing about railroad engineers. We put so much trust into someone we don't even know, yet we feel safe boarding the train. When we go over a bridge or through a tunnel, the engineer isn't there to tell you that everything is running smoothly. We feel that safety within us. Whether we get off the train too early or we miss a few spots, the engineer ensures we will get off the train safely. He doesn't throw anybody off the train and leave them stranded, he lets everyone get where they need to be. He lets EVERYONE get off at the train station regardless of his relationship with them. He lets them get off even if they have done a crime, for he knows they will be forgiven.

For all of those people out there who believe that only the "privledged" passengers will get off at the train station, or the people who believe that they only they will get off  if they sit close to the engineer. You are wrong. 

Because the engineer gives everyone a ride on his train, whether you are black, white, bisexual, gay, LDS, catholic, or even buddhist. Everyone deserves a ride on the train to arrive at their destination.

Reminders

It was around 11:00 at night, I was absolutely exhausted and I was driving home from work, nearing my house. I was so tired, I thought that I needed to call someone to come get me because I didn't know how safe I would drive. I suddenly had the "urge" to change the song (which seemed crazy because I was only about 30 seconds away from home). The song changed to "The Rose", grandpa's song. Within an instant, I was alert, I wasn't tired anymore. I know that he was right there because I felt him, he was sitting right next to me, he knew I needed to make it home. I teared up, and in that little bit of time I talked to him. I told him that I loved him and that I would make it home safe. I know that he heard me, don't ask me why. He visited me for that little moment that night.

I sat at the 10th exchange for Ragnar, as my stomach continued to churn, I was exhausted, extremly sick, and on the verge of tears. My mom kept repeating, "Your going to be fine, you'll do fine." But I knew I wasn't fine. I watched in the background and I see my teammate rounding the corner, and then I knew it wasn't long until I had to go.

Before I had another second to breathe, on the girls speaker behind me, Ryker's song started to play. In a moment's time flashbacks of the accident, the drive home, and his funeral played so vivid it seemed as if he was right there beside me. My body fell numb, and it was like that moment froze time. I held back the tears, my throat felt tight, and I grabbed the bracelet from his hand, and took off running.

During this run, I never fell sick again. Somehow I was in constant reminder to finish this for Ryker.

I believe that God sends us "reminders" that we are not alone in this world. I know that some people believe that there is no such thing as spirits or ghosts, but I believe they are always there whether we feel them or not. I have had a rough eventful week, but these reminders helped me overcome this. I know that sometimes our prayers aren't always answered, but they are always recieved.

"The trouble that might drag you down, 

you get lost you can always be found, 

just know your not alone,

cause I'm going to make this place your home." 

-- Phillip Phillips

My Man

I know you don't want to hear another mushy gushy love story yet again, and especially from me. I know that I tend to show my affection for this boy way more than I should. But I have so much to be thankful for. Little does he know how much he means to me. I just got my wisdom teeth out yesterday, and he has been by my side as much as he could, and even switched me shifts tomorrow!

I sit here and wonder how I got lucky enough to deserve someone like him. I drive him up a wall quite often, yet he spoils me rotten. I like to think that our relationship is quite different than every normal high school relationship, because he is my best friend. It's hard to comprehend falling in love with your best friend.

We were best friends way before I fell in love with him.

I didn't need a hug or a kiss today from him to feel like he loved me. I have learned that it is the simple little things that mean the most. He showed up at my front door this morning with a peanut butter shake and a Sobe (he knows me too well these days), walked right in my door, and sat down next to me. That alone was enough to make me just fall in love with him over again and automatically took the pain away.

I have actually had MANY girls ask me how I have kept our relationship so long and I ask them right back well depends on how you look at the person. If you only look at him like he's your boyfriend, then you will just have a boyfriend. You see Kaden is more than just a boyfriend, he is my best friend, my mentor, my personal trainer, my psychologist, my co-worker, he's even considered apart of my family.

Happiness is not found within kissing, hugging, hand holding, cuddling, and making out. Kaden taught me that these components don't make our world go round and round. If you are constantly relying on your "lover" to do these things with you to make you happy, happiness will be short lived. I believe this is a very good reason for the America's high divorce rate.

I have a life long best friend. Yes, I would love to marry Kaden someday, but that day is very far away and I am only 16 years old. Whether I decide to spend the rest of my life with him or not, he will ALWAYS be my best friend. He made me realize how to find happiness in the small moments. Finding seashells on Bonneville shoreline during valentines day, eating Little Ceasars in the passenger seat of his Camry, eating shakes and cracking jokes on my living room couch, watching him love the heck out of two little boys.

I feel sorry for the girlfriends and boyfriends who lay in the bedrooms making out all weekend, cause man, are they missing out. I don't want to marry Kaden because of how great of a kisser he is. Like have you seen him run?

Kaden is my best friend on this planet, and it doesn't matter what mood I am in, he will always make me smile. I never get sick of being around my best friend. Every day is an adventure, he gives me a new reason to smile, whether its a shake in his hand or the way he lets me run in front of him on trails. KADEN JOHN WINTER IS MY HAPPINESS.

And I can not wait to see what our future has in store.