Letting go.....

Holding on seems harder than letting go.

Holding to what you want to stay, yet you know will go. You have to face the inevitable, that your going to have to let go. I know that people are going to come in and out of my life, and there will be a point in my life when holding on won't become an option.

You also have to look at the variables that make holding on difficult, knowing her my whole life, having him there for me all school year long, running with them everyday. The bonds that you carry with certain individuals keep you wanting to never let go.

I believe when your about ready to say goodbye, memories come flooding back, making it harder to loosen your grip. They hit you like a passing car, it's collision causes you to face reality. No one comes out of a car accident in one piece, whether you broke your neck, or you have a small scratch. I feel as if the reason we are scared to say goodbye is because we don't know the speed of the car, the size of the car, or the person inside.

We don't realize how hard it's going to hit us until we let go. 

Our grips are so tight our knuckles turn white, but all this time we don't realize how hard we are holding on. You begin to rely on what you've been holding this whole time. Reliance becomes so strong between two individuals, that you can't imagine your life without one another. We don't realize how much we really care about someone or something until it's gone. After letting go, we can't look down the road and predict how or when the car is going to hurt us.

To say that watching my two best friends walk across that stage with caps and gowns was easy, I would be lying to you. I know it's going to be a challenge without them. I have accepted that I am going to struggle, I am going to get hit hard, and I know I will get hard more than once. But I know that with every collision, I will stand up and dust myself off with a new perspective, a reason to keep moving on.

Letting go of anyone is never easy. Whether it's watching your dad's spirit leave his body, or dropping your son off at the MTC never to see him again for two years. The pain that comes along with loss is inevitable, and it is given in different measures. Pain can have an immediate effect after letting go, or it can come very unexpected. It's how we deal with this pain that determines our well-being.

I know for a fact that letting go of someone you love is hard, and we know it's going to hurt at times. But the strong will to get back up, and look forward promises happiness soon.

I am so proud of my sissy, can't believe we won't go to school together. But happy she will be attending Weberstate, therefore she is not too far away. :)

My other purpose for this post was for my mom and grandpa, I know she is still struggling. Why not reminisce on some good times at Grandma Nessa's house?

 Kaden also graduated, and I am not sure how I feel about it. I am excited that he is growing up a little bit and moving on, yet he will be an hour away and I will miss him dearly.

This last one goes out to my "other" older sisters. Four years with them definitely was an adventure. I will never forget the lessons I learned from them. I am going to continue the legacy they taught me, and hopefully pass it on to the next year as good as they did.

Forget the Destination

Last week , I had a big upset, I didn't do as well as I wanted to at my last race of the season. I had previously had worked my butt off all season long, and to not have all the hard work pay off at all was a hard lesson to learn. Especially when some of my best friends move to the next level. After I finished the race, I knew that I didn't do well and it HURT because I had waited for this race all season. The waterworks came pouring down, and I had a long conversation with my mom over the phone and I constantly kept repeating "This isn't fair, this just isn't fair." After a prolonged phone call,
I pushed the "end call button" with a whole new attitude.

I have so much to be grateful for.

I have so much that makes me happy, right at my fingertips.

I still have my family. I have two amazing parents that would do anything for me.

I have a best friend, that I wouldn't trade for the world.

I may not have won that race, but I am a winner.

I have thee most perfect life, and I am so HAPPY. I have so many moments in my life that I replay like DVD player. I am suddenly that little girl again that rewinding the same scene over and over again and giggling. I am not concerned for my destination, because LOOK AT MY JOURNEY. You know, I may not be the state champion,valedictorian, or the student body president but I think that being myself is just as good.There are people who are extremely successful, but can't find happiness within their life.

I have moments in my life where happiness is at an all time high. It's like I am taking a drug with no negative side effects, I can't get enough high off just living. I am ready to take on the next day, I might not have my workout done, my grades may be sinking like the Titanic, but I am bound and determined to pick myself up to face the next day. I realize that many times I need to stop looking at my unhappiness, but what is there to make me happy.

Life is a journey and you can either buckle down and enjoy it, or spend  it feeling miserable for yourself. The secret to happiness isn't found through your success,  but how you got there.

My first 5k 8 years ago. Time flys.

Our trip to Scheels last month, just an interesting picure.

The Waving Man

He awoke early that morning, as he always does, his body may be older, but he doesn't let that confine him to his bed. He didn't open his eyes with the mentality that he would make a difference, but he still affected many. Sweats, a bright reflective vest, and tennis shoes with power behind them can any ordinary man become extraordinary. While working out alone seems to be focused on better yourself, he brings a little happiness into the lives of people he doesn't even know.

Max Peterson is a 70 year old man who lives in Hooper. Max wakes up every morning to face the next day, but he won't be facing it alone. Max runs 5 miles every day, which is an accomplishment for any person seeking to better their health, but he does more than just run, Max waves. When I say waves, I am not joking, he waves to every single vehicle that passes him. Even the people he doesn't even know. He found a way to make everyone feel as if he knows them personally. Every day driving to school you can see him doing his morning run, and as you drive to school, I can promise he won't forget to wave to you.

He has showed me that you can inspire others while chasing down what makes happy.

You see, we are all runners or even walkers on our road to our future, and we are given two choices; to ignore everyone that passes us, or lift our arm to wave.

As humans we should constantly looking for a reason to wave, something that brings us happiness and not being afraid to share it. Run down the road that brings you happiness,  and don't be afraid to venture down new ones, for venturing down new roads allows you to change the lives of new individuals.

A Different Breed

The typical high school student usually leaves their school as soon as the bell rings through their ears. They snatch their car keys from their backpack, and drive away from what's  held them hostage in their seats for the past 8 hours.
But we aren't your average high school students, we are a different breed.
 We are the ones with water bottles in hand as we walk in the school each day. We wear KT tape under our clothes, because we don't want to have to reapply it the next day. We make Nike clothing a fashion statement. We are the kids who beg their teachers for the hall pass because we drank too much water. The ones who wait for the bell to ring, because we're one step closer to lacing up our shoes.

We are the high school cross country team.

At first glance from other varsity sports teams, we are looked at as "the crazy bunch". The ones who find enjoyment in running multiple miles, when running is the punishment for most. But we look at it differently.

We believe that the time your foot strikes the ground for the first time, we are embarking a new adventure. We are blazing through a new trail, finding different paths that take us to beautiful destinations. We are the risk takers, adventure seekers, and hard workers. We push past our pain to PR by ten seconds.We are becoming the next generation of runners.

We accept that blisters may appear after removing our shoes. That chaffing is second nature. We realize that getting up the stairs the day after a workout can be a true struggle.

High school is a place of finding yourself,  taking what you love and running with it. For some this may be art, some it will be football. As young distance runners, we all have something in common. We find happiness in running, for running is what we love to do. Running is a teenage dream that never expires. While our paths may change when our diplomas touch our hands, but we will always have running close in our hearts.
We will never rid of the countless number of race bibs, and we will keep our shoes where we can find them.

Because we are a different breed, and we were born to run.

BLESSED WITH THE BEST

So lately I have seen so many break-ups, friends pulling away from each other, and even family members growing farther apart. Often times it reminds me to reflect back on how good I have it.

For my mom and dad, and that even though I can cause them so much hardship they still bear with me.

For my big sister, who has a different path than I do and even though we tend to clash here and there she still loves me.

For my little sister, who takes all the crap I may give her and ends the day with a smile.

For my brother, who has three sisters to live up too and does his best to keep up.

For the 16 months I have been given with my best friend, most high school relationships only last an average of 2-4 months but I am grateful that ours is a little bit different.

I have learned that through all these fights, all these little arguments, the stupid things we disagree on, we become stronger. I can not tell you how many times I wanted to just "run" away from my family because I was angry. The times where I told Kaden I didn't think our relationship was going to work. But the real question is, when is anything going to work out the way you want it too?

Did I realize that without these stupid disagreements I wouldn't have become the person I have become? I know that I have been dealt the cards I got for a reason, because I wouldn't have the family I have now. I know that there was a reason that Kaden came into my life, and he's changed it for the better.

I have accepted the fact that my life is so far from perfect I wonder why I exist at times. Not only am I imperfect, but there is always going be something about the people you love that you don't like about them. I might argue with my parents about stupid little things, but I can tell you right now I couldn't ask for better parents. That with along with all their flaws they might have, they weren't meant to be my parents. That they are the driving force in my life that keep me going when I need it most. Just because they aren't the perfect parents doesn't mean I don't love them to death.

I have learned that Prince Charming doesn't always look like a prince, but running shoes and shorts look better than a suit and tie. I found someone who brings an unconditional happiness into my life. A happiness that no one could replace. No he's not perfect, but nor am I. Just because he's not perfect doesn't mean I don't love him to death.

We are given a set of cards the day we enter the world. Some of those cards are bent in a certain way, some are even ripped down the middle. Some of them you find out of nowhere while playing the game. We might have to tape some of these cards back together, or bend them in the other direction. But we can still play the game with every card were given. 

These cards may be imperfect, but without them I will never be able to win the game.

I HAVE LOVED ALL MY CARDS SINCE THE DAY I WAS GIVEN THEM, AND I WILL NEVER TRADE THEM TO HELP ME WIN THE GAME.

There's This Kid Named Kaden

To the one who won't give my heart back,

"I don't want to run anymore," the words that echoed in my head over and over again as I watched you talk to the  man in the Aggie polo. The long nights of tears never leave my mind when I see you run on the track. When  you sat at the Footlocker finish line to watch me finish, with no spikes on your feet.

There are very few people in this world that can consider themselves "lucky" in this world, and I am happy to say that I am one of them. All those adults who say that high school relationships don't know what true love is about, their right. To me, it's not about finding a man that I fall in love with, but the man that has so much about him to love. But you know what? Love doesn't compare to happiness and I know what its like to be happy, I know what it's like to find so much happiness in one person that you can't get enough of them. Those adults are right, because you can fall in love with someone and not be happy.While walking the halls of Fremont High with my best friend at my side, I have gotten the same question asked three times "Are you two brother and sister?" Trying to back a giggle, I reply with a "No, this is my boyfriend." You may ask why this is? Apparently we don't walk the halls hand in hand, we don't kiss at school, and a he only gets one hug before he goes home. An occasional punch in the arm and a "don't be late to class" is our way of communication.I don't need kissing, hand-holding, and hugging to be happy, because HE makes me happy. The way the coaches kids come and tap him on the shoulder. The smile he brings my sister when she sees she has a new text from him.I always told everyone I knew that I was never going to get married til I was forty, I told them I wasn't having kids. I told them kissing was disgusting. But now I tell them, "There's this kid named Kaden."

There's this kid named Kaden, and he looked at me at practice today and my heart rate increased rapidly. I think it was an accident but I still looked right back at him.

There's this kid named Kaden and he gave me a high five after city county. I didn't even think he noticed me?

There's this kid named Kaden and he just started texting me, but I don't know what to think of him.

"There's this kid named Kaden, mom, and I want to hang out with him. Can he come over this Saturday?"

There's this kid named Kaden and he ran the warm-up with me today, and that was the fastest warm-up  I have ever ran.

There's this kid named Kaden, and he's going to Footlocker with me.

There's this kid named Kaden, and he just asked me to Prom.

There's this kid named Kaden, and he has cheered for me every race now, and it makes me run faster.

There's this kid named Kaden, and he just took seventh at state.

There's this kid named Kaden, and he just signed with UtahState, and he's going to run on there college team.

There's this kid named Kaden, and he is my happiness.

Saying that I am going to miss the kid named Kaden when he goes to college would be an understatement. I will have to look a little harder to find happiness. But I remind myself that I am the "lucky one" that his legacy will never fade. I have to remind myself that I will still live if I run the warm up without him.

Logan is gaining one great kid, treat him well, keep the girls away from him. Make sure to stretch his legs after practice or he will be sore the next day. Make sure he takes a shower, or you won't be able to breathe the next day. Make sure that he wears his seat belt. Make sure his room is clean. And make sure that he doesn't forget there's a girl at home, that loves him.


"And you think that love is only for the lucky and the strong."

"Don't Be Late To Class Kaden" (:

pərfikt

When getting out of bed to face the next day, is a struggle. When you feel as if the head your trying to hold higher keeps getting heavier. When your anchored down in the middle of the ocean with no life jacket.

I have learned lately that there are time periods in our life, when we feel as if we can't be more miserable. We keep reminding ourselves how much we hate someone, and how they are the reason why we are upset.

We weren't given this life for everything to be handed to us, for everything to turn out the way we want it and dissapointment only lasts as long as we decide it to. Even though there are times my life seems miserable, I am grateful for for the majority of it that is perfect.

I am grateful for my mom, and her ways of reaching out to those who need it. I am grateful for my dad, who never forgets to remind me to just smile and live in the moment. I am grateful for Ethan, who taught me that appearance doesn't determine your strength. I am greatful for Hannah for teaching me that little acts of kindness mean more. I am greatful for Katie, for teaching me that you can accomplish anything you set your mind to. For Kaden, who taught me what it's like to turn my trials into determination for the next mountain to climb.

I am thankful that my dad is still here. That God allowed me to keep my brother here. That my life isn't perfect, but there are so many perfect details in it. There are moments that I wouldn't trade for the world. That I am happy.

That I wouldn't trade my life for anyone elses, because of the happiness it brings me. That the negatives will never add up to my positives. There is so much to find happiness in.

I love life, and I am never looking back and I am never looking forward, because it is perfect right now. I am happy. That everyday is an adventure and I am buckling down for the ride. That even though I might get scared going down, I should just throw both hands up and embrace the moment, because I am grateful I got to ride. That even though I didn't get the time I wanted, I still got two legs. That we are never far from happiness, unless we tell ourselves reasons we have to be unhappy.